To see, close your eyes...

Again, this should have been an entry in my personal diary but sadly i don't have one. It's been more than 2 years for me in the corporate world. It sucks, but not entirely. There are things that I got to learn from this working culture that otherwise wouldn't have been possible to understand. Before experiencing it myself I never had even the slightest clue about what being successful means, what does it mean to work hard, what does it mean to have a plan...aims, goals, achievements, dreams...all of it used be just words, mostly from the talks of some motivation guru(ohh...yeah! I follow so many of them, my Facebook wall will sometimes show only motivation quotes).
The real challenge is not to dream big, the real challenge is to dream small, make it reality, and then make it big. We all are told to be fearless to think about the unknown and to innovate, but the truth that our lives eventually unfolds is that innovation doesn't require "thinking"...it requires "doing". You start from thinking and build on top of that, it is a very small portion of the entire process. Think less, do more. Put all your thinking even before you begin your journey and once you have put the first step...be blind. That's what saves you from going the wrong direction. Take a sneaky peek once in a while but don't look for anything. Whatever you need to see will be always there inside your mind. Looking for it outside is what confuses people and demotivates them.

Think only when required, do whenever possible...

Stop lying..

More than a blog this should have been an entry in my personal diary but sadly I don't have one, so here it goes. Once in while after a span of few months I like to retrospect a little about my career path
(I am sure everyone does that). And this usually initiates a phase of few days which I call The Thinking Phase which sometimes is very productive but other times not so much.
I have been working for more than two years now, and I continuously keep motivating myself to do better and to do bigger things, things that matter to me and to people around me and it's a good feeling to have. It gives a flavor of happiness that I am not just working and living my life but I am also trying to shift it to a better direction. But today when I looked back and tried to figure out where I am going and what next big thing I can do, I found myself to be little lost(well, little more lost than usual). Before I could start my ever trusted routine of figure out a new plan and fill me with unending motivation I stopped for a while, and went one level deeper into it. Each time I tell myself about how clearly I can see myself walking on the right path in my life and my career and I create within myself this undeniable     belief that I know what I have to do. But I never asked myself one question and that is what did I do wrong that my previous master plan didn't work? Hmm...well I don't think I did anything wrong or at least I tried not doing anything wrong. Throughout the month I maintained the correct schedule, worked hard to finish off things on time and also made sure that I don't loose focus. But, in the process of doing the things right I never spent time on working towards moving to the next milestone, never took an extra step to change the direction a little, I just kept going. And I realized that I have been doing(or rather not doing) this thing from a long time, I guess since started working. Every time I felt like that I need to change something I just told myself what I need to do and may be followed it for a while but never took any major step. I felt like I have been lying to myself by telling all the faultless approaches that I can take cause I hardly worked on them.
Now it gives me a better idea about what to do when I run into such phase again. Never to tell myself that I know what I have to do if I am not gonna put all the efforts to do it. It does give one the happiness   in understanding the plan and believing in it but if you don't work on it then it's just a lie..

What's holding you back?

There's nothing in this world that I can not achieve, I can become whatever I want to, do whatever I want to, and If I decided to do so there's nothing that can stop me. These are some of the words that I used to say almost everyday to myself, not because I needed them but because I believed them or I thought so.

    Let me start with my little experience at college. After enjoying the first year in every possible way when I got into the second year a thought had occupied all of my mind that "If you really wanna make your mark, then this is the time to start". I wanted to do things, wanted to achieve something, wanted to become someone great. So I started to explore the world of technology. Determined to go beyond the measures, become powerful at any cost and willing to put any amount of hard-work, I began by starting to learn new stuff. Downloaded all kind of tutorials, and watched them. I just wanted to get started.

    The year passed, and so did my determination. It's not that now I don't want to become great but the feelings have changed. Then one day while I was listening to a symphony(Schindler's list theme, to be exact) I realized that my dreams are still hanging on there where I left them. I tried to recall what happened over the last year, why didn't I do what I wanted to do, what is it that held me back? After banging my head for few days it occurred to me that it's me. I am the one who is between me and my dreams. The theory was simple. whenever we try to do something good we feel motivated and then we get this satisfying feeling that we are trying our best cauz we have motivated ourself enough to walk on the right track. And in fact, it's absolutely correct. But there's one thing that we often miss out and that is the reason for de-motivation. Whenever we do not feel like what we are supposed to do we never try to take the blame ourselves instead we blame it on the outside world.

         Since these thoughts started occupying my mind, I made it a habit to think about all the things that's stopping me from doing what I really want to do. The more I thought the more I got focused. But the thinking is no good if it's not getting converted into actions, and that's the toughest part. Convincing yourself is easy, motivating yourself is easier but making yourself to believe is terribly difficult. And if you don't believe then motivation fades away. 

not again..

Today is the first day of my three month long vaccation. Eveytime the semester gets over I am stuck with this feeling "chalo yar sem me to kuch nahi kiya par chuttiya to waste nahi karni hai" and today is no different.
In first year, the plan was to go to gym regularly in the vaccation so that second year me koi to milegi. 
In second year, it was to get involve in "some" stuff so that next year me college me kuch izzat hogi.
And now I am standing on the edge, looking ahead at my game plan of starting my career. I seriously don't know why man created this kind of system in which you have to crack some entrance exam before starting anything new and most of the time these exmas are irrelevant and senseless.
Anyway, the trilemma I am facing now is "Gre or GATE or job?". 
People around me say that I am no good to crack gre.
"gate"- i don't know, haven't got that feeling yet to do m-tech n all and
job -well i know nothing about it
so it all comes doen to this " chod yar.. next sem me ye sab kar lunga, now i should enjoy myself thoroughly".